Creating Peace. Together.

First off I would like to apologise for taking so long to get this update to your eyes, ears and hearts. It has been an intense couple of days that have demanded so much out of me that I have fallen sick for the first time in 5 years (I’m at the tail end of a nasty little cold and cough).

I could not possible give you an update on this week’s happenings without beginning by explaining how absolutely amazing Shrinath Van Praag is – much much further below is a description I wrote last week about him and what he does.(But I’ll be nice, here’s a link to it – YIP contributor introduction)

He is an all round great person who is terribly in touch with his surrounds, aware of others and what they feel and also incredible at sensing out where to head next and what to do with the group. A gift most contributors to our study program seem to possess.

This course came at PRECISELY the time that I needed it to come. I was experiencing one of my heavier and stressfull internal imbalances (causing me intense lack of inner peace and therefore causing a complete inability to interact in a manner that satisfied me nor others. Volatile). To give an outline, I was experiencing a neverending need to please and a neverending impatience with myself – a horrible combination. I felt like I was at the brink of sheer insanity. I was literally teetering on the edge, all that was needed was a gentle breeze to pull me either side.

The course and Shrinath was that breexe, pulling my shoulders gently back to stable, safer ground.

I could never find a way to express the emotions and realisations I came to during this week, The only way to do it properly would be to travel back in time and let you jump into my body in order to experience exactly what I was going through.

So here; I will attempt to highligh the highlights of the week.

1.) On my most unstable day we explored “The work of Byron Katie”, I urge you all to take a little slice of time (and perhaps some cake) out of your day and look at this page. The best part of this great find is that the advice comes from a woman who has literally smashed her face while hitting that proverbial rock bottom place. She knows what she’s talking about.

2.) Dancing – Each day began with us dancing, just letting go and dancing. What more could I ask for? Plus the choice of music was great. So happiness replaced the blood in my viens I tell you!

3.) Creating Masterpeaces – To bring our thoughts and understanding of peace into reality and a tangible (or as close as possible to tangible) we were asked to create “masterpeaces” which reflect our understanding, realisation, thoughts, comments, feelings, anything really, on inner peace and peace in general. After trying several different options I ended up writing a song, recording some beats (using an old water bottle and my pencil agains my tin of Vaseline) and laid down some vocals using a program I had downloaded that day. I had much fun putting it all together. The next day, as if the universe was looking at me and having a proper chuckle, nothing, and I mean nothing worked out as I had planned – despite my going to bed around 3am with what I thought was a great recording. It was going to be a hit. In the morning (my least favourite time of life in general) While getting ready I couldn’t find the item of make-up that makes me feel and look like a superstar, I also had to do my makeup in the smalled bathroom around, and then during the rush that was my exiting the house; I ripped my floral jumpsuit beyond recognition. Really, it looked like a…uhm… I don’t even know what to compare it to. It was quite simply a mess. The one thing keeping my spirits up was the fact that I knew regardless of all of this, I would put on my newly recorded track and blow my fellow yippies away. Lo’ & behold – the track had somehow not been saved or saved but in an “unreadable” or “inaccessible” format. If this is not a disaster I don’t know what is. But I sat with myself and realised that, what I was experiencing was what I was meant to experience. It was a test of my ability to tune into that peace that my higher self knows it can simply step into if the choice is made to do so. So after running around throwing an inner tantrum. I grabbed myself and jumped into the peaceful zone. I performed my song withouth the beats and recording but with the sound of the beat-boxing from my fellow yippies. The best way to deliver it. They all love it and I loved performing looking like a mess but having the involvement of the entire room. I sweat, in that moment, if the trees could have joined they would have!

An overall winner of a week. Shrinath van Praag once again reminded me(through song at my weakest moment) of this beaut of a truth in the form of a quote: ”

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 

Course Rating: 9/10

 

January 18, 2012 at 2:08 am

I am particularly looking forward to giving you an update on this weeks’s contributor as well as course. You can read a little taster about the contributor by clicking over here.

And learn some more about the MIND-BLOWING work he does over here. I feel so privileged to find myself in this position where I have access to such in-depth information about the work that they do and about the plans that they are currently weaving into reality.

Love!

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Dear Cape Town – I have a dilemma

Soundtrack Suggestion – Nakhane Toure “Just like heaven”

I’ve been pretty silent of late regarding issues of current affairs. Well, it’s been more that I have been fairly silent on social media.

Towards the end of last year I embarked on what I called #TheGrey Series which was a way of me vomiting out some of the prominent darkness in my system. I had been encountering numerous awful experiences, thoughts and feelings which I was battling to find a space for. So I decided to be pro-active. I found a therapist. Together we began to open up this box. A box that I hadn’t even realised I had tucked away in a dark corner. I was completely surprised by the pain that sat in that box. I was taken aback by what flung out of the box. Bats flew out, gigantic spiders and unidentified creepy crawlies that remain nameless came out as soon as the box was slightly crammed open.

I was overwhelmed. I was in pain, exhausted and felt like I couldn’t breathe.

If I had to give some of these ugly things names, it would go something like this – racism, sexism, injustice, inequality, dishonesty, violence, abuse.

I was suffocating from the inside out. These creatures that had come out were quietly strangling me. It became clear that they needed somewhere to go. It was as though there was no other choice but to let them out. So #TheGrey Series was born.

(#TheGrey Series was meant to be comprised of 10 posts originally shared on facebook. Through the help of a friend based in Denmark we will be transforming this into an accessible format in the form of a zine)

Before I reached the end of #TheGrey Series I encountered an unexpected bright light that felt like a rescue mission. The mental picture is of a geared up concerned someone entering into my insides with a torch, coming to investigate what was there. In so doing bringing the sort of light my dark creatures needed to dissolve and scatter.

This unintentional rescue mission came from my dear friend Terry-Jo Thorne who is the master mind behind a blog titled IDontSpeakMyLanguage. The light came in the form of this beautiful piece she wrote about me (read here).

Funny enough I haven’t posted any more “grey” posts since then. I suppose it speaks to the power of light? This is not to say that the darkness is not still there – however it’s not there in the same way as before. It’s not begging to come out as it was previously.

Following this experience, I am sitting with several big questions that perhaps you could assist with:

  1. How do I engage with the ugly creepy crawlies of the world (some of which are named above) and still remain happy?
  2. Where do I go to release the pain of the ugly realities of the world (also referred to as the creepy crawlies of the world)?
  3. How do I continue to engage with the topics that make so many people’s lives a misery (my own included) without coming across as a bitter “Debbie Downer”?
  4. I owe a large portion of the comfort of my existence to those that came before me who lived uncomfortably so that I may not have to. How do I honour those people (some of whom lost their lives in terrible ways) for my better, improved life?
  5. I have a talent of using my voice. How do I do it in such a way that does not consume my every ounce of energy? I feel so energy drained when I do. I honestly can’t enjoy a drink out with friends in peace, someone just has to walk up to me with some or other comment, question, gripe or high-5!

I’m seriously battling with these questions. I want to be happy. I want to live the best life that I know is possible, and I’m struggling to separate myself from the fight.

There is an inner elder that is whispering to me “Didintle my dear, your best fight and contribution is achieved by simply being yourself in the most authentic way you know how. Trust me, through the painless act of being yourself you are re-creating realities (your own included) and inspiring others with ideas of changes they could make to their own life and therefore the world”.

As much as I value and adore my inner Ouma, any answers to my questions posted above will be greatly appreciated.

At the moment I have almost completely stopped reading news of any kind – because I’ve realised that it helps turn me into a paranoid, self-loathing, people-hating, moaning, distressed, tense, bitter, wide-eyed non-believer in the beauty of the world. These are not good for anybody let alone someone suffering from anxiety!

Help.

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